When I first applied for ministerial licensure in the Church of God of Prophecy in 1988, one of the questions asked was: “Do you let your children run in the church during service?” The premise of the question comes from 1 Timothy 3:4–5 (NKJV), which states that a bishop, overseer, or elder must be “one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence (for if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God?).” Good stewardship in the church is reflected in how a minister manages his own household.
A bishop, overseer, or elder must rule his own family well; a man’s leadership at home is a fair indication of his ability to care for God’s church. The word “rule” carries the sense of managing, governing, caring for, and showing concern. In fact, rule and care are closely related, with care encompassing both leadership and genuine concern. Put another way: “He must be able to control his own family.”
An essential aspect of ruling one’s family is ensuring that children behave properly. A bishop’s children should be submissive and respectful. If the bishop is gentle and peace-loving, his children will respect him. Reverence can be understood as respect for their father, but it may also refer to conduct in general—meaning children should show respect not only to their parents but also to others.
As Dr. John Maxwell notes in The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership: “Leadership is influence, nothing more, nothing less.” Leaders seek to influence people toward achieving their objectives, and influence flows directly from teaching and example. Who a man is will influence his followers to commit to what he says. Scripture speaks extensively about the power of example—both for good and for evil.
God warned Israel not to imitate the practices of pagan nations (Leviticus 18:3; Deuteronomy 18:9). Proverbs 22:24–25 warns against befriending an angry man, lest one learn his ways. Proverbs 29:12 shows how a corrupt ruler can corrupt his subordinates: “If a ruler pays attention to lies, all his servants become wicked.” Jesus Himself condemned the hypocrisy of the Pharisees in Matthew 23:1–3, telling His disciples to heed their teaching but not their actions, for they failed to practice what they preached.
The Bible also commends us to follow godly examples. Paul praised the Thessalonians for imitating him and the Lord (1 Thess. 1:6), urged the Philippians to practice what they had learned and observed in him (Phil. 4:9), and encouraged Timothy (1 Tim. 4:12) and Titus (Titus 2:7) to be models of faith. Hebrews 13:7 exhorts us to follow the faith of our leaders, while James 5:10 points us to the prophets’ example. Peter instructs elders to shepherd by example (1 Peter 5:3).
There are four keys to raising children who honor their parents:
- A father must exercise authority so that obedience is advisable. Disobedience should meet immediate consequences (Prov. 13:24).
- A father must exercise wisdom so that obedience is natural and reasonable. His authority should not be arbitrary, but tempered with understanding.
- A father must show love so that obedience is a delight. Children should obey out of love, not fear.
- A father must instill in his children the urgency, priority, and privilege of salvation and obedience to God’s Word.
The importance of managing one’s family well is reaffirmed by making it a prerequisite for managing the church’s affairs. In today’s ministerial licensure process, the earlier question I mentioned is no longer included, but the church has added a Ministerial Review Board Interview, which carefully assesses an applicant’s readiness
Sadly, I have witnessed ministers succeed in ministry at the expense of their families. A minister must prioritize his family immediately after God. It is a tragic reality when one wins many souls for the Lord yet loses his own household. A minister’s first ministry is always to his family.